Conflict REVOLUTION® 101
March 26, 2017
Certified Conflict REVOLUTION® trainers
Cathy Kline and Robin Cordova
Barbara: Good morning. It’s Sunday, March 26, 2017. I am Barbara With. You are here with me and the Party of 12. Partyof12.com is where you can find all things Einsteinian from beyond the grave, news from the Party of 12, and of course information about Conflict REVOLUTION, our imagined Einstein’s miraculous process for world peace, one person at a time, starting with you—or me. I’ll start with me, you start with you.
My mission this year with my 12-part 2017 Re-Boot Series is to visit places where Einstein’s path, that we’ve channeled and researched and experimented with for the past decades, crosses paths with other knowledge and other bodies of knowledge. To that end, I was prepared to have a wonderful woman on the show today, Leslie Stewart, an author and a channel who wrote a book entitled Trust and Allow the Process of Life In-Joy! I was looking forward to doing today’s show on joy.
But something came up that prompted me to move her appearance to the April show. I did a few coaching sessions and had a conflict of my own that inspired me to devote this today’s show to presenting Conflict REVOLUTION 101, the most basic way to teach Conflict REVOLUTION, step-by-step instructions aimed at absolute beginners—people who have never heard this information before. Even though I have geared it for beginners, this will also help out the rest of us who have been doing this process ad infinitum, some of us literally for decades. It will help us to remember the power of being a perpetual beginner. Sometimes when we’re lost in overwhelming, uncomfortable feelings and our thoughts are out of control, one way to make the shift back into control of your own domain and to start the revolution is to go back to square one, to start at the beginning, review what you know, and take baby steps as if you’re a beginner.
My challenge with this is that the unified field theory and the maps of human consciousness that I have presented over these past decades represent an enormously complex system. It works sequentially. Describing how matter is made manifest one step at a time from nothing into everything is a very big undertaking. I’m so close to it that I don’t trust myself to know what’s necessary and what’s not, because I’ll always go deep. It’s my nature. It all seems necessary to me.
I called up two of my certified coaches, Cathy Kline in Columbus, Ohio, and Robin Cordova, on Bainbridge Island in Washington state, to help me craft a simple vision. They’ll be joining us in a while to share some of their own Conflict REVOLUTION stories. I asked them each two things. First: “What is the simplest way to explain Conflict REVOLUTION? What are the bare, minimal elements of the whole huge unified field theory and the maps of human consciousness that are needed in order to show someone how to do it effectively?” Second: “How do we as trainers inspire you who are learning it, when you are in those moments and the bad emotions are surging and your thoughts are out of control, to take a different step and make a different decision that will move you toward your revolution?” Because those moments of overwhelming emotion and out-of-control thoughts are the place where we do the work of Conflict REVOLUTION.
ConRev is all about catching yourself in the act of making a decision that is not good for you. It’s about doing something different in that moment. When we change our energy that deeply, we are helping to change the way our entire system operates. The more we make conscious decisions in those moments, the more we’re working for the good of the whole, first of all for us and then for the entire situation. Each time it becomes easier in those conflicted moments to not only decide to make a different choice to do something else, but then to do it. That’s what it’s all about.
After my discussion with Cathy and Robin, we concluded that the bottom line was, “Give them step-by-step instructions that are simple and easy to understand and then teach through example.” The best way I can inspire anyone to do Conflict REVOLUTION is to do it myself, get the miraculous results, and then share that with people who need inspiration. Because the truth is, in that moment you are the only one who can make that decision. I can’t get into your head and make you think different things. I can’t force you to breathe emotion through your body. Only you can make that decision in that moment, and those are the hardest moments in which to make them.
So much of our culture and the way that people have traditionally resolved conflict is sitting down with the person and saying, “We need to talk through our issues.” Sometimes that works, for a while. But it doesn’t get very deep. The object of Conflict REVOLUTION is helping each individual find peace within the self, and in doing that, to contribute on a global level to the collective consciousness of peace as well.
I have several conflicts, the original conflicts that excited me and made me want to do this. Something happened a few days ago with Cathy where she was in that state of overwhelming emotion and runaway thoughts. We did a revolution, and it was so remarkable that I decided to revamp the conflict I’m going to bring—although there are so many good ones to share—and I want to ask those of you who are listening, whether it’s live or after the fact, to bring a conflict of your own to this session. It doesn’t have to be any particular conflict. You can learn Conflict REVOLUTION using any conflict you want, but I like to advise people to bring one that entails another human being, because it’s a lot easier to look in the mirror of another human being and see yourself than it is to look in the mirror of, say, war or financial crisis. It’s not impossible. I have done every kind of conflict under the sun. But if you use somebody who’s in your life, it’ll give you a better opportunity to see yourself.
Get a pad and paper. You’ll be writing things down. You can work your conflict along with us. At the end, you’ll have your own action plan, something that tomorrow morning before you get out of bed you can have right there by your bedside. You can start your day with a prayer of gratitude—“Thank you for another amazing, miraculous day of life. I fully intend—” set your intention—“to watch myself today,” and here’s your action plan of what you will do, the decisions you will make. Also name your conflict. That is the beginning of creating what we call sound bites. Sound bites are essential because your imagination and your intellect and your reasoning can talk to you ad nauseam about whatever you’re obsessed over in a conflict. You can go on and on in your head. We all have done it. When we start to develop sound bites, we’re paring down meanings, getting to a simpler place. Naming it is an important piece. Every conflict for me is a case study. I can say, “Ah, the Headache Project!” or “I’m a Liar!” and I know the whole conflict. So name your conflict.
We’re going to start with step-by-step instructions. Based upon my conversations with Robin and Cathy, this is what we have come up with as the simplest way to understand Conflict REVOLUTION. The first piece is that this is one-sided work. This is not conflict resolution, where you sit down and make sure you have good sentence structure and tone and you look in people’s eyes and try to resolve something. It’s not that. This is one-sided work. In fact, the ground rule is: your domain is your responsibility. It is not your responsibility to take care of somebody else’s conflict, and someone else is not responsible for taking care of your conflict. Your domain is your responsibility.
The values that we use when we’re doing this one-sided work are:
- To be nonjudgmental. Remember, this is a science experiment. It’s not a priest telling you you’re bad or good.
- To have passion. In this life we have to train ourselves that we not only have the right to feel all of our feelings, but we have the responsibility to feel all of the emotion that is flowing through us. That’s what passion is. We’ll find out as we go forward that emotion is the creative juice of the manifestation of everything physical. But to us personally, it is our life force. It’s the first dimension in the building block of who we are.
- To have creativity. Remember, this is a creative process, so we’re looking outside the box, we’re pushing ourselves to think in new ways, we’re canoodling with metaphors that will reveal themselves to us.
- To have humor. If you can’t laugh at yourself, we will. You are free to laugh at me, because humor is so important in getting us out of a stuck place.
So when you find yourself being judgmental, shift over to a nonjudgmental point of view. One way to do that is, if you’re judging something to be bad, purposefully find the good in it. Or if you’re clinging to something that’s good, purposefully find the bad in it. Then you have the whole picture and you’re nonjudgmental. When you’re lacking passion, get in touch with emotion. That’ll get those juices flowing again. When you’re stuck, reach for your creativity.
This is the basic description that we’ll work with of who you are, the picture we’ll be painting. You have three human dimensions that work together to create your ability to have a human experience in the physical world. Think of it as a wave that starts at your feet, flows up through your body, all the way through the top of your head, and when it comes out there, it goes around again and starts again at your feet. There’s the flow of your life force. It’s like a string. The three human dimensions are Emotion, located in your solar plexus, Intuition, located in your heart or your chest area, and Intellect, located in your head.
Now you have three separate places that we’ll also begin to associate with those things so we can begin to separate those three human dimensions from one another. Because we have all been operating as if it’s just one big crazy mass of energy, and it’s hard to tell what Intellect is, what Emotion is. We’re thinking about a feeling, we’re thinking about a conflict, and we think we’re feeling it. There is some Emotion in there, there always is, but this will help us separate them and understand their roles clearly.
The last piece of this puzzle is what we call the Witness. That is the part of you that has the ability to step back and watch your Emotion, Intuition, and Intellect, to observe those three human dimensions. Maybe you’d call that the observer of self. Maybe you’re looking at your human self from your soul self. Maybe it might feel like dissociation. That Witness will help facilitate making decisions in those conflicted moments.
Very basically, Emotion, or feelings, in the solar plexus is not just what we typically think of as emotions—sadness, happiness, joy, anger. In my new book Einstein et al., there are two pages in nine-point type on Emotion. There’s a huge range of Emotion. We’ve been taught to only feel the good ones, and even that—I was never taught how to do that effectively. But in Conflict REVOLUTION we’ll learn how to feel the entire range of feelings. That’s a way to get the flow moving. We want to have a circular flow of our string constantly moving through us like water. Emotion is the fuel, the primordial soup, as it were, of energy that’s the beginning step of the creation of the physical world through our bodies, our perception of it. At that level there’s no thinking, no reasoning, no reasons why you feel this way, there’s nothing to do about it. There’s just pure, unadulterated Emotion.
As that flow moves up into the heart, where Intuition is situated, we have Emotion now becoming a voice. Our emotions guide us, and Intuition becomes the voice of what we call Compassion. In Conflict REVOLUTION, Compassion is the fifth fundamental force of the universe, the intelligence within us that is impelling the creation of the physical world—the garden, the earth—one step at a time, starting with zero and sequentially walking into the infinity of the universe. Compassion, among other things, impels us to work for the good of the whole system. You might call it God, Goddess, the universe. It is the life force that at its root is programmed to take care of all parts of the entire system, creating all parts of it.
Within you, the voice of Intuition is telling you the next step to take, the next decision to make that will be good for the whole situation that you’re in at that moment. It’s important to redefine Intuition here as something that first of all, everyone has as part of their functioning system, and secondly, is meant to tell you what to do in present moment. It’s always sending you signals: “Beat, heart. Breathe,” those kinds of subliminal impelling. It’s always telling you the next thing you can do that will be best for the whole situation. Making decisions for the good of the whole, that’s Compassion. You take care of yourself first and you look outside and see everything else that’s needed and you make a decision to the best of your ability that will benefit the whole situation. That’s what we’re looking for here.
It starts with the three human dimensions. When we understand how they all work together and we begin by taking care of ourselves, we come back to the physical world whole, aligned to Compassion, ready to be a peacemaker, ready to contribute to world peace, not just working from our ego or what we think should be intellectually.
You’ve got Emotion that flows up into your chest area and becomes Intuition, and it’s impelling you to take a step. When it flows up into the Intellect, that’s where all of the descriptions of the physical world lie. So within you you have Emotion that will be the chair. As it flows up into your heart and your Intuition says to that part of you, “Go be a chair,” and it gets into your Intellect, there’s a description. It starts out, “I am a green chair sitting in the corner in Wisconsin in 2017.” But then it flips, like the lens of an eye or a revolution, to, “That is a chair in the corner.” That is a very basic explanation of how these three dimensions work. All of this is projected through and perceived by your body. Even though the chair is in the corner over there, it begins within you.
What happens in the Intellect, however, is that imagination comes in, rationalization, patterns of thinking you don’t even know you have that were drilled into you as a child, as a baby, even. And for those of you who believe in past lives, sometimes we have thoughts, feelings, senses, memories, and energies of past lives coming through us, infiltrating our thinking process. So when you are triggered by a negative emotion, you also trigger degenerative thoughts that wed to that emotion, and that becomes a reality.
I was working with a woman the other day who was saying, “I’m so mad because S. will never, ever, ever stay one minute longer for her shift to help out. She just won’t do it.” I said, “Did you ask her?” “Well, no.” “Why don’t you?” So she called her. “Oh, yes, I’d be happy to!” How long would that woman have walked around with an angry emotion married to the thought that S. never does anything? How does that affect her relation with S.?
Our job here is to keep all emotions flowing, listen to the intuitive impelling, and then Intellect, instead of rationalizing and projecting and getting all clogged up with imagination, is meant to hear that impelling of Intuition and make the decision to take action to fulfill the intuitive impelling. Because here’s the catch: free will operates in the intellectual arena. You don’t make a decision with your solar plexus or with your heart. You implement decision-making in your intellectual area. That’s where free will takes place. Your Intuition can be telling you, “Rest,” but your Intellect can be saying, “No, I can’t rest. I don’t have time to rest. If I rest, bad things will happen.” You make the decision to keep working. That is the basic kind of conflict that we first resolve within ourselves—and it changes everything.
We’ll hear some stories in a minute from the trainers about how they’ve used it and the miraculous outcomes they’ve had. I could write a whole case study book about the miraculous outcomes when we do this work. When I say “miracle,” I mean facilitating a result that I could not have facilitated by going directly into the arena of the conflict. I could not have facilitated this outcome that came up had I sat down with my client and talked to the issues. That’s the miracle. Those are the miracles we’ll create.
The Witness part of you also operates in the intellectual arena. It’s stepping back, taking notes. “Look at me thinking I can’t do that. Look at me being judgmental. Look at all that deep anxiety in my solar plexus. Listen, there’s Intuition telling me what to do.” The Witness, the observer, has the ability to inspire you to make those different decisions. When you know what decisions you should be making, it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll make them, but it’s a much easier step to be inspired to make them.
With all that said, I’ll share my conflict. It’s called “Assumptions and Miscommunications.” This will be an epic conflict for the rest of my life because I learned so much through it. The one I was originally going to do was a woman I was coaching with a miraculous outcome. She named hers “Tiptoeing through the Minefields of Facebook.” I thought, “Raise your hand if you’ve never been triggered by something somebody said on Facebook.” Of course, no one has a hand up. So we’ll focus on this and then bring on Robin and Cathy in a minute.
I was coaching Maxinne one-to-one on Conflict REVOLUTION. Here’s something I learned a long time ago: when I coach, I need to have my own conflict that I’m focused on, because there’s a 75% chance that when I coach someone, I will be triggered. I learned this when Teresa McMillian, one of the co-founders and co-authors, my dear friend, years ago finally decided to use Conflict REVOLUTION to address her migraines, which were frequent and horrible. She asked me if I would help coach her. We called her conflict “The Headache Project.” I quickly discovered that I was being triggered by my sister. My sister and I had a lifelong conflict. She gave me a headache. So I could call it the “Headache Project,” and we could get a two-fer.
This is what happened with Maxinne. She has a massage therapy business, and because of some limitations she’s going through right now, she can’t do massages. Her revenue is dependent on the massage therapists who work through her office. She gets a cut of that. We were doing the training. She had an active conflict. She understood that she was working to learn how to make decisions for the good of the whole. She arranged for her massage therapist Judy to have a reading with me. I asked, “Phone or Skype?” She said, “I want to come in person.” I don’t do many readings in person any more, I don’t think it’s necessary, but I honored it because she was Maxinne’s friend.
We made an appointment. The only time that we could do it was if she came to where I was staying at 4:00 and we were done by 5:30 because my hostess was coming home and there was no privacy to do the reading. At 10:00 the morning of the reading, Maxinne got a request for a massage that afternoon that would have put Judy to my place at 4:30 or 5:00. She texted me and said, “Can you move the reading? Can she get there at 5:00?” I said, “No, I can’t, but I can do it by phone.” And I thought, understanding what was going on, that they would definitely take the walk-in traffic and we could reschedule by phone. In my mind that was what was for the good of the whole. So I said, “Have her call me, we’ll reschedule. We’ll do it by phone. It’s no big deal.”
I didn’t hear from anyone, and I just assumed that that’s what they did, because money was the big trigger. She needed money. “Yeah, get money, let’s be abundant, this is wonderful!” So I changed my plans. At 4:00 I was walking out the door, and a woman was walking up and down the sidewalk. Turned out to be Judy, right on time—early, in fact. I got triggered in that moment. I told her, “I thought you had canceled.” She said no. I did the reading. When I asked what she wanted, she didn’t seem as if she were in emotional distress. She just wanted to see what channeling was. That triggered me a bit, like I was on display. But it was a beautiful reading. I did my quick revolution and really enjoyed the reading. She was buoyed by it.
Later that night, I got an email from Maxinne. She was pissed. She said, “Why could you not have moved her appointment to 5:00? I just lost $80? How is that good for the whole?”
That’s my conflict.
Right now, I want to bring on Robin Cordova, who is also going to share some of her work and her conflict, and then we’ll do ours together, and then we’ll bring Cathy on and she’ll also share.
Good morning, Robin, how are you today?
Robin: Good morning, Barbara, I’m great! Thank you.
Barbara: I want to ask you a question before we get into your conflict. How do you experience the Witness? When I do my Witness, I feel schizophrenic, like I have two voices in my head. But I’m OK with it, because I know what it is. How do you experience the Witness?
Robin: That’s a good visual. I experience it as a healthy split. I know that part of me is splitting off to step outside of myself and pay attention to what’s happening around me, listening to my thoughts and my feelings. I try to make sure to ground myself as well.
Barbara: Ah, good idea! How do you do that?
Robin: I use the circle visualization that you explained in the opening. That’s the most powerful thing when I feel off-center or woozy from becoming a Witness. I ground with that circle visualization that you guided us there at the beginning.
Barbara: Great. What conflict are you bringing?
Robin: A long-time coworker and I, someone I’ve been working with for about 15 years, we live in different states. When we work together, most of our contact is via phone. Sometimes we’ll be in person together, but primarily it’s via phone. We architect and sell mission-critical computer systems, and often our projects take months. They’re difficult. There are a lot of obstacles. In my opinion, the only way to get through them is to be optimistic, to have perseverance, to be grateful for things that are going well, to stay focused and hopeful and work toward solutions. That’s the only way we’ll get through.
Robin: We were going through about a year where things weren’t going well. We had a corporate customer where things were crashing. When systems crash, corporations lose millions of dollars every minute, and it can become quite stressful. When we’d get on the phone, instead of trying to focus on what went well and how we could solve the problem, he wanted to rant and complain and rage and express his frustration at things that were out of his control. Often, especially during this period when we were going through a difficult time, we were talking daily. He’d spend an extra 20 minutes on the phone with me beyond the purpose of the call just to dump all of his negative emotions on me. I’d end up switching into a coaching rescue mode. There’s a difference between coaching and rescuing.
Robin: Coaching is a healthy function; rescuing is an unhealthy function. I was finding myself in the unhealthy function of trying to rescue him and bring him back up emotionally and take on more than my responsibility and trying to fix things and make it OK. I’d hang up zapped of energy. I’ll get to the emotion when we’re ready for that part.
Barbara: Did you name your conflict?
Robin: Yes: “Mr. Downer.”
Barbara: (laughs) That’s good! So we’ve got your “Mr. Downer” and my “Assumptions and Miscommunications.” We’ve laid them out. For those of you who are doing this at home, you can start to see as we move forward what we’ll do with all this information. We’ll identify the three human dimensions within the conflict. It doesn’t matter where you start putting your matrix together. This will be your action plan when you get done. I wouldn’t suggest starting with Intuition. That’s hard, especially if you have an active conflict and you have emotions and thoughts going on. It’s hard to winnow out what the intuitive message is. I’ll start with the intellectual sound bites. The reason we create sound bites is because the imagination and the Intellect can run crazy wild all over you, and you get lost in it.
Barbara: We’re trying to pare down the whole story of the conflict into one or two sentences about what is really bugging you here with the root of the problem with Mr. Downer. What is my problem with Maxinne? You get them so they’re small so a) you can remember them and b) you can call upon them in those times when we get to the process a little later on.
Barbara: For me, [the conflict with Maxinne] was a very easy conflict to parboil down to intellectual sound bites, and one of the great things for me was how quickly I did it. It happened after I stopped. My intellectual sound bites were, “She’s making all kinds of assumptions. She’s not communicating very well.” For a brief time, my Intellect went to, “You know, she never called me back to confirm. She assumed that I did this and that.” But quickly, those two sound bites helped guide me to the next step. My Emotion was irritation, anger, confusion, frustration, impatience. For those of you who are doing this, when you’re trying to identify the emotion of it, don’t go into the reasons why you think you feel this. That’s an intellectual activity. We are looking just to identify and isolate the emotion around this conflict. They should be one-word answers. Robin, how did you get to your intellectual sound bites?
Robin: That’s a good reminder, to separate the Intellect and just focus on the Emotion. I’ll start there. I was feeling furious and outraged and resentful, quite frankly, drained of energy, and that’s what made me feel resentful. Exasperated. I would assign fairly strong emotions in this particular conflict.
Barbara: What about the intellectual sound bite?
Robin: The intellectual sound bite was, “He’s so pessimistic. He’s always hopeless. He brings me down and drains me. And he doesn’t care about the burden he puts on me.”
Barbara: Oh, gosh, I’ve had sound bites like that. (laughs) “They just don’t understand me!”
Robin: (laughs) Exactly!
Barbara: When we’re trying to find the Intuition, it’s a little trickier. Sometimes you can try to think of what Jesus would tell you to do, what a great spiritual leader would tell you to do, what your best friend who knows you and loves you and is kind would tell you to do, what your caring mother would tell you to do if you can’t figure it out. Oftentimes we get into places where we have intense emotions and thoughts about the other person, and it’s hard to separate those out.
Barbara: For me, very quickly, I heard, “Look at yourself.” It’s a form of, “Do the work, do the revolution, do your process.” Because I know that when I do the process, I get the miracle. What will inspire me to do that process when I’m in that place? That was to look at myself and to be kind. Those were the two intuitive messages. And remember also that Intuition is a small, declarative statement that will tell you to do something and that it’s about the next step to take. We can’t figure out what Intuition will tell you to do when you get into a situation. It’s all about present moment and what that Intuition is picking up about the situation and what’s good for the whole. Here we’ll imagine that it’ll work that way, but just understand, as you go forward with your Intuition, that it’s all about what will happen in present moment, not what will happen next week. What was your Intuition telling you?
Robin: There are two branches that came out of this. The first nugget of Intuition I received was to set up boundaries. That was the very first thing I needed to do. It was not my responsibility to make him happy. That was a direct action that I had to take for this conflict, but it wasn’t the full revolution.
Barbara: We’ll get to that in a minute.
Robin: Initially, my Intuition said, “Set up boundaries.” It was a nugget of three words. That was my first step.
Barbara: So now we have our matrix. We have our intellectual sound bites. We have identified what our emotions are. We did some conjecture about what Compassion would want us to do for the good of the whole. I’ll introduce Cathy in a minute, but I want to get to two things about the intellectual sound bites. Our next step is to revolve those sound bites back onto us. “I had poor communication. I was making assumptions.” In this case you would revolve yours to figure out that you had hopelessness, right?
Robin: Yes. And I had to find where I was also pessimistic, which originally was, “I’m not pessimistic! I’m the most optimistic person I know!” (laughs) I’ll get to that more later.
Barbara: For those of you doing this at home, create that revolved sound bite and have that ready. I want to bring on Cathy right now and have her share some things that went on, and then we’ll all rev this together and give you an idea of how it works across the board. Good morning, Cathy!
Cathy: Good morning! I’m doing great, how are you?
Cathy: I would like to share that I loved how Robin talked about the rescuer and the coach, because it’s so easy for me to slip from one to the other. As far as Conflict REVOLUTION for me, when we first learned this years ago, the thing I learned that helped me the most was that I was talking about and thinking about my feelings versus feeling and breathing them through my body. And understanding the differences, a clear definition about Emotion, Intellect, and Intuition helped me to go forward and made my life much easier. Barbara spoke about leading by example. I had an experience yesterday that was so interesting. I have a conflict that I’ve named “Being Blocked from All Directions.” That’s where I had a Con Rev within a Con Rev. The other one is called “No Longer Being Here.” That’s about my daughter Lori and my son-in-law Craig.
Cathy: Yesterday morning I was working with my friend Tammy getting to a core issue that was preventing her from manifesting the money, the job, the home, the man. She felt like she was being blocked from all directions. We were going through the process of Conflict REVOLUTION, and she stopped and said, with much passion, “You’re blocking me also. Why do you do that? I’ve watched you receiving help from all your other friends, and yet you’ve blocked every offer I give you. I offered to cook a meal for you, do the dishes, help you during chemo, but you deny my help. Why do you do that?” That was a case where when you talk about how you can come into Conflict REVOLUTION at any level, I’m not even sure I had a conscious sound bite, but I went right into the feeling and the breathing.
Barbara: Because you were obviously triggered?
Cathy: Yes. “What is my truth? What can I tell her? What can I answer her?” I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I had the back story. I told myself that the reason for not letting her help me was that she hadn’t been through cancer or chemo and she was unable to understand and give me the support I needed. But right there, I went into feeling and breathing so I could get to my intuitive message.
Barbara: What was it?
Cathy: “Tell her the truth.” And at that moment, the truth came to me: “I don’t trust you.” To be able to tell her—because we had a past experience that was a misunderstanding. She thought I was sleeping with her boyfriend and sent terrible text messages demanding that I confess to her. She was so convinced that I was guilty that it got really ugly. We had become friends again, but I had kept her at arm’s length and refused to accept any help she was offering me because I was so angry that I didn’t trust her enough to let her all the way in. That was so empowering. And then talk about leading by example: in the middle of coaching her through her conflict, I had to stop and feel and breathe to help us go forward.
Barbara: Let’s leave that one right there and go to the one we worked on.
Cathy: Friday I had a call from my daughter. She was crying. She was afraid that her husband was dead. Her phone had died. She had to borrow a phone to call me. There was no way for her to go home. She had left for work that morning and couldn’t find him anywhere. He had been threatening, “You’ll miss me when I’m gone.” She had to go to work. She checked the house, the barn, couldn’t find him anywhere. She goes to work and she’s devastated all day long because she doesn’t know whether he’s alive or dead. That’s why I called that conflict “No Longer Being Here.”
Cathy: I dropped what I was doing and drove over and checked on him and found out that he was still there. He had hid from her that morning when she left for work to make her feel bad. He figured once he was dead, she would miss him when he was gone, and by hiding from her, it gave her a taste of that.
Cathy: I was so overwhelmed with how to deal with that the next day that I had to go back to Conflict 101 and call you, Barbara, and ask for some guidance through this because I was so frustrated myself I couldn’t get my sound bites. When we finally got to them, they were, “He was good at manipulating. He wasn’t helping the situation. And what if he wasn’t here any more?”
Cathy: Those are my sound bites.
Barbara: What was the Emotion? This is really intense.
Cathy: Completely overwhelmed, frustrated. This goes back to how I want to be the rescuer, so I go in and try to fix the situation. Overwhelmed and frustrated. It was so overwhelming I couldn’t think clearly.
Barbara: Were you angry?
Cathy: Oh, yes! Angry, frustrated, annoyed, disappointed.
Barbara: When we get overwhelmed, sometimes we have all the feelings super-sized.
Barbara: What intuitive message was in this conflict?
Cathy: I had to ask for help. That’s why I called and asked for guidance through this. Even though I automatically know this process and it comes to me so quickly and I go through it without even consciously knowing what I’m doing sometimes, this one blocked me so much that when I stopped to feel and breathe, the intuitive message was, “Ask for help.”
Barbara: It’s interesting, as an aside, how these two conflicts involve asking for help.
Cathy: (laughs) Yes!
Barbara: When Cathy and I talked in the morning, originally we were going to talk about the layout of the show, but then she came in this state and asked me to coach her. I shared with her the content I had already formulated talking about with Robin, and we thought it was a wonderful opportunity to show in real time that this really works. You were the guinea pig, in that place where emotions were intense and thoughts were out of control. You were having the conflict and we were breaking down the pieces at the same time. Oftentimes when somebody’s in a training session or a workshop, they’re not actively engaged. It’s not a triage moment. It’s an intellectual story. But you were in that moment. When we got to the place where we said, “Let’s imagine what the Intuition would have told you to do,” all we had to do was look back and identify what that was, and it was, “Ask for help.” And you asked for help. It’s beautiful how Conflict REVOLUTION becomes an operating system, and not only does your Intuition tell you to ask for help, but then your Intellect dials the phone to get the help. You don’t have to say, “I don’t need help.”
Cathy: And yes, thank you for helping me define this, because I’m still in the middle of processing all of that. It just happened this weekend. Just trying to explain it to someone, I appreciate your help in clarifying what we’re going through with this. And it works.
Barbara: And also—and I think Robin will address this as well—my conflict happened very quickly and was revolved and resolved quickly, and I quickly got to the miraculous place that I’ll share in a minute. But more often than not, it takes time to do this. In talking about, say, Mr. Downer, Robin, now that you’ve had the revolution back to yourself, I think we need to share what the process is that we now do. There are two components to it. One is to deal with Emotion in a new way: to breathe it, not to analyze it. The other is to change the thought to which the Emotion is marrying itself to create your reality and then change the thinking process. These are two big things. These aren’t easy to do. Tell us about processing Mr. Downer.
Robin: It went off into two branches. That’s why I wanted to share that conflict. It will help people to see that sometimes we have to work things in multiple ways. With him, I had to take action steps to get that relationship to a healthy place. That required setting up boundaries and seeing that my kindness is helpful for people, but that there’s a shadow side to kindness, too. We let ourselves be taken advantage of, we feel that we have to take responsibility for someone else’s happiness.
Robin: For him, I needed to set up healthy boundaries and take myself out of that responsibility because I needed my energy to solve the technical issues of what was going on. It wasn’t my responsibility to prop him up. But then I had to step back into the Witness and work with the deeper sound bites, which were the pessimism and hopelessness. At first I couldn’t see it in my life. There are so many areas in my life where I’m very optimistic. I had to step back further into the Witness and ask the greater part of me, “Show me where I’m pessimistic.” I think oftentimes when we’re not seeing it we can ask that greater part of ourselves to show us, and then step further into the Witness and watch what comes up and look for deeper intuitive messages.
Robin: Over time, I found that it was in the intimate relationship part of my life. Not my work life, not my life as a mother, a coach, an athlete. All of those things I’m very hopeful and optimistic in. But when I think about going out on a date or feeling that I was somehow going to be successful in a romantic relationship in my life, I wasn’t hopeful. I was pessimistic. That’s where my work was.
Barbara: That’s a great illustration of why conflicts are so hard to address. When you see something like this, you realize that his trigger of you into this place was your energy calling you to look way over here at a place that had nothing to do with him. How long do you think this went on?
Robin: I talked with you about it several times during this period, and I’m a year in right now. It was right at this time last year when I realized I need to set boundaries. It took some time to work with the Emotion, to realize where the pessimism was, and to come up with an action plan. I’m just now starting to make some headway in both a new relationship with my coworker—because I still have to work with him—and a new relationship with my own optimism and hopefulness in the romantic relationship area of my life. It takes time and patience and being committed to self-love and self-compassion. That’s crucial for this work.
Barbara: You brought up this question, and then Cathy brought it up, and as you were talking I was thinking about some conflicts I have about when we want to be nice. I had a year-long conflict called “The Kitchen Dishes.” My roommate was leaving dishes in the sink. You would have thought I could just say, “Hey, can you clean up your dishes?” But I couldn’t. I was being hammered in my brain about how small I was that I wouldn’t just wipe off this bowl for her, thinking I wasn’t being nice enough, I was so selfish. While you were trying to set those boundaries, were you struggling with some of those kinds of voices?
Robin: Definitely! Having to do things I wouldn’t normally do, such as let his calls go to voicemail so that I could listen to the message and stay focused on doing a good job with just the technical part. My job isn’t to prop him up emotionally, it’s to work the issues. I didn’t have to spend 20 extra minutes on the phone working through his emotion and then be so drained that I couldn’t do my job well.
Barbara: Getting back to the moments where we’re feeling Emotion, we have the Intuition. “I’m going to set some boundaries.” You let it roll to voicemail, where you were making a decision to set a boundary, to do things differently, but there’s anxiety, shame, and thoughts about how you’re not a nice person.
Barbara: This is why it can take a year or more sometimes, and this is one reason why I was inspired to do this show, because Maxinne came back after her first night of feeling and breathing and noticing these terrible thoughts, and she said, “I was feeling and breathing all night and nothing changed.”
Robin: And then she gets into a cycle of being hard on herself.
Barbara: Yes. This is our pattern. But with her, I said that there might not be a change in that moment, but what’s different is, you’re observing yourself now. That’s the first step. When you observe and experiment, it changes. The very fact that she’s observing it is a beginning step.
Robin: Yes. We have to honor the process, not the results, praise ourselves for the process. Like you’ve said many times, we are building a new operating system. It’ll take time. We’re reworking our brains, our thinking process. To learn to stop, to feel, to breathe, to step into the Witness, to honor the small steps is so crucial.
There’s another thing you’ve always said that was very helpful, too: using the question “Is this regenerative or degenerative?” When you get a moment of, “Oh, I’m not kind enough. This feels awkward,” when we’re growing, it will feel awkward, because we’re doing something different, so we’ll feel a little bit awkward. Ask yourself, “Is this a regenerative or a degenerative step?” If it’s regenerative, it’s probably good for the whole.
Barbara: Yes. In this instance, the phone rings and you see it’s your coworker, you let it go to voicemail, which is making a decision for the good of all, but you’re still feeling bad, thinking bad thoughts, but you’ve made that decision.
Robin: Good point. That happens in the free will. “This feels awkward because you pride yourself on doing a good job and not letting people down.” But you’re only stopping the degenerative part. I was still planning to hear the voicemail and respond to what was needed, but I didn’t have to put myself on the phone for 20 minutes in a degenerative state.
Barbara: Right. And in the case of my “Kitchen Dishes” conflict, after a year of it, I was embarrassed to talk about it to anybody who knows Conflict REVOLUTION. When I finally got the aha moment and the miracle, I was talking to my sister about it, and she reminded me that when I was little, my mother used to work long hours, and I would clean up the whole kitchen. She would come home after a 12-hour workday and find the one thing I didn’t do and yell at me.
Barbara: And when I got that, I was able to go back to my roommate and start the conversation, “Hey, would you mind if we—?” She got a little defensive, and suddenly I’m weeping and we are having the best conversation! She said, “Don’t ever, ever, ever not tell me these things.” So we built trust, and it was all divine timing. Since then our relationship has deepened so much that I don’t want her to go. I used to be like, “I’m glad I have a roommate, I love her, but I wish I lived alone.” Now I think, “No! Don’t leave me!” (laughs)
Barbara: Cathy, tell me what happened after we talked and you had the thing happen with Tammy. What about the conflict with your son-in-law?
Cathy: Let me close up the conflict we were working called “Being Blocked in All Directions.” My question was, “What is my truth?” So “What is my truth with Tammy?” follows into “What is my truth with my family?” Not only did my being asked to tell her the truth—that I didn’t trust her and why I didn’t—help open up the tensions and the blocks in my relationship with Tammy, but it helped her. We did more Con Rev on her story, and she had a breakthrough to realize that in the incident where she felt like I and everybody else were blocking her, this is a core issue. She’s feeling people blocking her from all directions from her abundance. Maybe that will be the change and she’ll open up those blocks and start healing on a new level so she can get her abundance on all levels.
Cathy: Going back to “What is my truth?,” when I come back to the story with Craig and Lori, maybe Craig was threatening to commit suicide, and instead of my being so angry and frustrated with this “evil” man, what if he’s the person who is showing Lori that she can be a different way so she no longer wants to commit suicide but wants to figure out how to get through her life without so much conflict? The fact that he is threatening and she is saying, “No, don’t do this,” that’s their conflict. So I’m thinking all along that this is their problem, when my truth is, my biggest fear and my deepest core issue is my fear of dying, of no longer being there.
Cathy: Going through that, I feel like I’m able to look at my issues of dying. My first husband was threatening to kill me, and now chemo is threatening to kill me, cancer is threatening to kill me, so how do I get what I want in life? I’m realizing that maybe I don’t need cancer any more to get what I want out of life. I’m still processing all of this.
Barbara: Yeah, wow!
Cathy: You can see how this all ties together! All this weekend I was like, “Whoa!” (laughs)
Barbara: A back story is that you’ve been dealing with Lori, who is suicidal, and she’s just recently decided that she wants to live and she’s been struggling to establish a life for herself and making better decisions. Craig is basically committing a slow suicide in front of everyone.
Cathy: Thank you for articulating that!
Barbara: And you and I talked about how Craig is Lori’s—as Carlos Castaneda used to call it—“petty tyrant.” He is the impetus who is pushing her, giving her the platform to rise above that behavior in herself. He’s playing an important role for her right now, even though they may not end up married. He might kill himself. He might not. You’re seeing Lori changing her life, obviously influenced by being raised watching her father trying to kill her mother and do harm to her. She’s breaking that pattern, and now it’s coming back to you, when you’re on chemo for cancer. We’ve done some work since you were diagnosed and chose to get chemo. That was breathtaking, because I know you want to live. But it seemed like when we revolved—and now we’ll get to the last revolution of the sound bites—“What if he’s not here any more? What if you’re not here any more? I want to be here.”
Barbara: “I want to live.”
Cathy: Like I said, I was thinking it was all their problem. I didn’t realize what core issue of my own I was bringing to the surface.
Cathy: Very powerful!
Barbara: Yes! Going back to my quick conflict, “I’m miscommunicating. I’m making assumptions.” When I asked myself what assumptions I was making and where I was not communicating well, oh, my gosh! First of all, I assumed that Maxinne and Judy canceled the appointment. I didn’t communicate well on why Judy couldn’t have come at 5:00. When I said to the universe, “Show me now as I move forward where I make assumptions,” I saw that I make assumptions all day long!
At that moment, every time I started to make an assumption about Maxinne or Judy, I stopped and said, “Wait a minute. Show me what the answer to this question is. Why did we have to do it in person? I assumed that Judy was curious and wanted to take advantage of—no! Why?” And then I realized that she had never seen a channel. A lifelong goal of hers was to be in the presence of someone who channels. She’s heard about them. She’s read them. Maxinne has told her, and now here’s a woman she trusts, because Maxinne is one of her best friends, and it’s really important for her to get there at 4:00 to be in the same space because this may not come again.
Barbara: When I realized that, without making an assumption about why she wanted it to be in-person, it came to me. Oh, so even though I thought it was best for the whole if they took the money, that extra money she would have made wasn’t nearly as important as getting to that appointment to be in the presence of a channel. This was like a treasure hunt. There was no shame involved, no degenerative voice in my head saying, “What’s wrong with you? You always make assumptions!” There was no icky feeling. There was the joy of discovery. And by the next day, Maxinne, too, was observing and making different decisions and thinking different thoughts and feeling and breathing, and we were able to put together all of our assumptions, and we got the big picture. We said, “Look at this! We never would have been able to do this without Conflict REVOLUTION!”
Barbara: And then it continued when I went to New Orleans and my friend never called me back. I could use this, not make assumptions, not respond, and the long and short of it was, I had her phone blocked and I didn’t even know it! I could have done a big thing about her failings, but I didn’t. I had a great time, even though she wasn’t there.
Barbara: Let’s go to Robin. When you found those places in your love life where you were pessimistic and hopeless, where did that take you?
Robin: That’s the beauty of Conflict REVOLUTION: you often end up solving something that’s very deep and meaningful. That’s why the Emotion is so strong. In my case, I had to look at how I build up hopefulness in my life and realize that this is something I truly valued and wanted in my life and had not been successful in. That was sad. That was creating a sense of hopelessness. Pessimistic thinking is often aligned with feeling personally flawed. In my case I was feeling unworthy and unlovable. It sent me back to doing some inner child healing work for being hopeful. I then worked towards setting some goals, like we talked about in January, setting goals and pathways that were achievable for me and that worked for me. I’m still working on these things, but I’m much more hopeful and optimistic now because I could see the problem clearly, which I might not have been able to do without the Conflict REVOLUTION process.
Barbara: Without Mr. Downer?
Robin: Yeah, without Mr. Downer!
Barbara: Bless him!
Robin: And that’s where we have to ask how we can be grateful. I just want to say, Cathy, you’re so brave to come on the show and talk about these vulnerable things that you’re right in the middle of.
Cathy: Thank you.
Robin: I want to acknowledge that, because I have been working on this conflict that I’m sharing for a year. I’m excited for you and the beautiful things that will unfold. I’m busy with the work now, coming back to going into the Witness. How is this going? Am I feeling and breathing and paying attention to those thoughts? Not letting myself tell myself I’m flawed and unworthy and unlovable?
Cathy: Thank you, Robin. For me, the process of Con Rev is amazingly powerful. When we go forward creating our lives, my main goal is to consistently ask to be aware. I want to be aware of when I’m not telling the truth to other people and especially to myself. I want to be aware when I’m feeling fear and sorry for myself and afraid of not being here any more, to be able to step back and be the Witness, the observer who can see when I’m cheating myself out of a lovely life because of all my bullshit.
Barbara: What was interesting about our work yesterday was when you said, “This cancer has caused me to ask for more help, and I’m finding out how loved I am.”
Cathy: It’s so huge. I don’t have to create cancer to know that people love me and care about me. I have been given so many gifts, from emotional support to money to gifts to food to people helping me, driving me to my appointments. I lost my 12-year-old granddaughter to cancer last year. I went through depression that I didn’t realize I was going through, feeling like I didn’t have any purpose in life any more, not realizing why, not realizing I was in depression. I was pulling myself away from the world and not doing anything or going anywhere. Creating the cancer has opened me up to realizing, “Wow, I don’t need to have an illness to go forward with my goals.”
Barbara: And when you were describing all the things you were gaining from having the cancer, my response was, “I have all those things, and I don’t have cancer. I feel so loved.”
Cathy: I know!
Barbara: That was sort of an Aha! for both of us.
Cathy: Yes, yes! We all want to be loved and accepted and adored and cradled and happy! (laughs)
Barbara: Have you created any kind of action plan from our work going forward about wanting to live?
Cathy: The basic one is that sometimes I need to breathe and remember to step back into my Witness and observe what I’m doing. As I go forward, I choose to be more aware of when I am not doing the things that I want to do, like telling the truth and being honest with myself and allowing myself to go out and create the love and all the joy that I’m getting without being sick. Those are my steps going forward.
Barbara: In our matrix, the action plan, the last step of the sound bites we’re writing down, has those intellectual sound bites defining what we need to do in order to address the original issue. For me, with “Assumptions and Miscommunications,” my action plan is based on my Intuition, which said, “Look at yourself.” My plan going forward is that I’m going to watch where I make assumptions and where I don’t communicate quite as well as I could. As I told you, this is going down in the history of revs, because there are so many things in that one week where I didn’t make assumptions, where I made sure to take that extra step in communication and step back and think, “Have I told everybody everything? Do I need to tell anybody anything else?” And when I find places where I’m not communicating or I make an assumption, there’s no shame. There’s no mentally berating myself. It’s like, “Oh, look, it’s me making assumptions again.”
Cathy: The beauty of you and Robin and me all sharing with each other is that I look at yours and Robin’s sound bites and goals for going forward, and I see how I can now apply those to me. It applies to all of us.
Barbara: Yes. When I do this in a workshop, everyone has a Post-It note on the wall and I write all the emotions at the bottom in red and go all around the room, and when we’re done, you see that it doesn’t matter how different the story line is. My story line from Robin’s story line and especially from your story line and T.’s story line, it’s the same conflicts. It’s the universal emotions that do not get embraced and loved and moving through the flow: anger, depression, sadness, frustration—all the bad stuff is trapped in us, and it becomes cancer. It becomes excessive weight, depression, externally it is separations within families, conflicts within the community, worldwide conflict.
Barbara: We are working at the root level. Listening to both of your conflicts, I’m finding great fodder for my own continued revolutions. Robin?
Robin: Agreed. We all make assumptions. That’s a good one, too! (laughs)
Barbara: It’s so elemental. I’m so grateful to M. We’re coming to the end, but I wanted to ask you: boiling it down into a basic presentation, what do you think is the best way to help people untrain themselves to reject the bad emotions?
Robin: For me, I remind myself that when I’m triggered with Emotion, the first thing I tell myself is, “Don’t have a knee-jerk reaction.” When I get triggered I say, “Oh, there’s work to do.” It creates a new instant response to whatever emotion is happening. I’ve even trained myself to do that with intense joy, because intense joy, the people who run off in Las Vegas have equally had a knee-jerk reaction to extreme joy that may not be good for the whole. With any emotion that’s coming through us, we can stop and say, “I have work to do.” That’s where I begin, and then I remember the process. “Feel and breathe.” I follow the training, the process.
Barbara: Particularly because, having known you this long, it’s been challenging for you to access deep emotion.
Cathy: (laughs) Yes! You asked how we would encourage others. At one time when most of us would take a bad emotion when we were feeling it and tell people, “Don’t feel that way,” when you see someone crying and expressing an uncomfortable emotion. I’m able now to allow them and myself, because I didn’t used to be good at crying at all, to feel those “bad” emotions, because all emotions can lead us some place else. We encourage each other to feel the good and the bad emotions and move them through and then take that—like, if I’m feeling sad, I can’t feel like being happy immediately, but I can take the next step up to whatever emotion makes me feel a little bit better and then a little bit better. Every time I process the ConRev I need to breathe. I breathe to get into my Witness. I breathe to find my truth. I breathe to find my sound bite. Just remembering to feel and breathe has been so powerful to me.
Barbara: Me, too. I want to add an ending to my own conflict. Shortly after or during this time, I had a conflict with my sister—and I was Maxinne! I wrote an email to my sister that sounded just like hers. I sent it off and immediately started to feel and breathe, and I’m so grateful for bringing Conflict REVOLUTION to my family. The sister who triggered me was the one from “The Headache Project.” Long story short, my other sister was involved as well, and she said, “This is not a conversation for email.” So I called her, and she was wonderful. She was triggered, too, but she returned Conflict REVOLUTION to me. She knew how to do it. And pretty soon I was crying, she was crying. She also had something that was coming up. So I waited for a few days and I kept getting Intuition nudging me, “Call the other one.”
Barbara: I was a little less excited, because she traditionally would read me the riot act. But she was also wonderful, so loving and calm. She explained everything. We had a wonderful talk, and we’ll get together when I get home. So you can even act not for the good of the whole and it can come out for the good of the whole.
Barbara: Is there anything else either of you wants to add before we close this and let people go off and think about this and digest it?
Cathy: Thank you, Robin and Barb. When we went through what happened this weekend and I had to ask you for help and you asked me if I would be willing to share in the Sunday morning conference these personal things about me and my family, my first reaction was, “Eeek!” And then I realized that my truth needs to be told, because then I can show by example that not only do people who have been doing ConRev for years and doing it well get stuck and need to ask for help, but also, when you hear my story, you can relate to it and say, “If she can do this, I can fix the issue I have with my boss at work.” I’m so grateful to both of you. I love you both. Thank you for letting me be a part of this—even though I was a little bit scared to do it!
Barbara: The powerful thing about you sharing your story is that I have always believed that Conflict REVOLUTION can heal physical illnesses, it can prevent physical illnesses by not allowing a build-up, an abscess of emotion to get stuck in our bodies. You have shown that this isn’t a replacement for chemo or any kind of physical therapy anybody might be doing with cancer, but I believe it can augment the healing process. I’m looking forward to having you get your clean bill of health.
Cathy: Amen! (laughs)
Robin: In closing, I think we’ve shown by all these examples a good reason why this work is important and why it’s worth it. Maybe listeners are thinking, “This is a lot of effort. I don’t know if I can do it.” But what inspires us is the health, the well-being that come out of it, stronger relationships, the ability to achieve the things that you value in life. In my case, I realized that I value having a partnership and I want to do whatever it takes to get that. My conflict with Mr. Downer is the one that helped me to see that mirror and say, “Wait a minute. I’m draining my own energy by telling myself I’m unworthy and unlovable and I’ll never have a partner or be able to achieve what I want in life.” I didn’t see the pathway, I couldn’t find the next step I needed to take.
Robin: I’m taking a lot of steps, declaring that this is something I value, setting that intention daily, seeing the optimistic side. What am I grateful for? What is working right? What will work for me? How do I combat the thoughts that are telling me that I’m unworthy and unlovable? How do I step into the Witness and catch myself every time I start to beat myself up? Pushing back, wrestling with those thoughts to create more hopefulness. I’m much more hopeful a year into it. I haven’t achieved my goal yet, but I’m very hopeful that I will.
Barbara: And Lily Phelps, on her show we were talking about if Jesus would forgive Hitler, and the answer was, “Of course.” He couldn’t not forgive him, because then he wouldn’t be Jesus. You can’t not achieve that goal, because if we’re going to have a vision and intention and work towards that, then it has to have come true in the future.
Robin: I love that.
Barbara: So we can find hopefulness in that, too. I want to close by telling the people who have listened to this who want to do this work that you can always contact me at Partyof12.com, BarbWith@gmail. I have a number of learning tools. My new book, Einstein et al.: Manifestation, Conflict REVOLUTION, and the New Operating System, is the complete guide. It’s the unified field theory, the maps of human consciousness, and the complete curriculum that will walk you through it. I do some one-on-one coaching. I occasionally have online classes. Come to my website and sign up. There’s a lot of free stuff there as well to download. With this basic information, I think you can start experimenting with yourself and gain control of your own domain. I think I speak for Cathy and Robin and everyone who has been practicing and experiencing the results of Conflict REVOLUTION when I say that then you only will need to watch and be amazed.
See all Barbara’s products and services at www.barbarawith.com.